my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
