Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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