I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The best revenge is premature balding
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize