fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
its not stalking. its research.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
