another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
