peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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