I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
