There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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