he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
