I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
