Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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