Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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