Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
