It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
