apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
