My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
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Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My bed smells like the plague
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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