dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
