Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
