I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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