girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
