Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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