You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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