All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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