I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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