One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
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If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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