Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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