Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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