Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
this beer tastes like vomit already
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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