i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
