You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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