They should really pass out barf bags in church
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
