Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
