he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
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I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
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That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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