i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's shark week go big or go home
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
