Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
