i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
