So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
