I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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