Whod you bang
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
