Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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