i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Randomize
