All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
