I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
