ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
