pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
