Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
