so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
