Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
