Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
did i just pee glitter
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
