All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
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It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
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I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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