i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
