Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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