Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
