In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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