it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
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What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
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My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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