Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
