Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize