your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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