i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
