Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
