Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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