Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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