the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He felt like a one man threesome
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
