The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
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