Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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