Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
