guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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