There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We are two peas in an std pod
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
