official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
