Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
