I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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