I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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